For the commandment is a lamp and the law is light. Proverbs 6:23

It doesn't seem possible that a person can get so confused that the very sense of right and wrong can be lost.  There was a time in my life when I was just that confused and I was very unhappy.  If I had been an alcoholic you might have said I had hit bottom.  But I was not.  I was just a lost and sad soul. Then one night when I was praying so very hard to know what I needed to do to be happy again I was led to this scripture in an answer to my prayer:  2 Nephi 1:20  "And he hath said that: Inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land; but inasmuch as ye will not keep my commandments ye shall be cut off from my presence."

My first reaction to this "prayer answer" was "What does this have to do with happiness?"  Then I spent a lot of time pondering the scripture and realized that the Lord had reached out to empower me. There was so much in my life that I could not control.  But this I could control.  I could live a life based on gospel principles completely!  I made myself a promise that I would do so and trust the Lord that it would lead me to happiness.  It did!  I believe it was a combination of empowerment, obedience to true principles, and integrity within myself that returned me to a life filled with joy.  As a result of that experience I wrote this poem.

Journaling

I was not a journal writer for the majority of my life.  Then about 1990 I began to express my feelings in a journal in an attempt to figure myself out.  That was the beginning.  I'm not the kind who writes the daily activities.  I rather prefer to write about what I believe.  So my journals are very personal.  I like to think they reflect the personal growth I have experienced over the years as I have struggled to take the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and make them a meaningful part of my life.  I also believe that a journal is a great place to go when you are upset and just get it all out of your system.  Writing your feelings in a book gives you power over them.  I like to read scriptures and then talk about them in my journal.  Even when I read a really great book I like to write what I am learning from reading it.  I really believe that journal writing is one of the nicest gifts we give ourselve.

Ever Learning and Never Able to come to a Knowledge of Truth

I love to read.  I cannot imagine a world without books.  I read fiction and non-fiction alike. I have relished all fourteen books of the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency.  I marvel at fantasy authors who can use that genre to teach life lessons.  I love how historical fiction can bring history to life right before your very eyes. Biographies line our bookshelves - not because we liked every person we read about but because we learned so much from each one.

But I have a frustration with today's information age - a frustration made very apparent each election year. Information does not equal truth.  We have to work very hard today to study all points of view and try to determine for ourselves what it truth.  Sometimes it doesn't matter - we are just looking for solutions and there is no one way to do something.  But often the news or the candidates or the books are preaching what they believe to be truth and then you change the channel only to hear someone else declare the exact opposite to be true.  I feel like I would need a college degree to find out who is right.  I still am not sure if we are experiencing global warming.  Our coldest winter ever here in Michigan this year seems to dispel that theory and yet in my heart I know we have a global problem that just isn't going away.

It was earlier in my life that I wrote this poem.  It was a confusing time of my life and I was frustrated with the search for truth and the proliferation of information all around me.  My frustration with the search for truth has not deterred my reading.  I do love the world of books.  You can find me on Goodreads writing my reviews and looking for more books to read.

Following the One

I wrote this one pioneer day when I was thinking about the trials that our early saints faced.  My own faith took years to develop.  I wanted to stay in the simple child faith that said that if I do what is right, then all will be well.  I wanted be believe that I could barter with God and make promises that would  bind Him to do what I asked.  

But the Lord doesn't want us to be children forever.  He sends us here to be forged into men and women of great faith and character.  That kind of growth depends on experiences that change us.  And so the Lord could say to Joseph in Liberty Jail "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.  The Son of Man hath descended below them all.  Art thou greater than he?"  I have ceased asking for life to be easy and my wishes granted.  

I only ask now that the Lord will show me what He would like me to do and that He be with me no matter where my life will lead.

My Covenant

The Straight and Narrow Path

There are times in a person's life where there is a need to make a change but your friends don't like the new you.  New converts to the church sometimes experience this.  People with addictions sometimes have to find all new friends in order to put themselves in a safe environment.  For me it was walking away from an intellectual environment that was just not healthy for my faith.  It can be really difficult to do this because you have to have faith and trust that the future you are now choosing will be good.  

Questions

Have you ever had a child who followed you around the house asking questions all day long?  Then you know what it feels like.  I wonder at times if I am not like those children with all the questions I pose to Heavenly Father.  I believe He will be more patient than I was with my children.  My simple "Because" was not a very satisfying answer.  I actually imagine that heaven will be like a college campus and we will sign up for class after class where all our questions will be answered.  I would like that very much.  I have so very many questions in the little box on my shelf where I put them so that I do not waste my time worrying about things for which there are no present answers.

Life in the Church

I am not an extrovert who likes to be up in front of people.  And as a child I was even more shy  around those I didn't know.  I was happy just in my own little world of me, my family, and my close friends.  A part of that remains with me still.

But life in the LDS church doesn't allow you to just stay in your comfort zone.  You will be asked to do things that you would never choose on your own.  I distinctly remember my first church assignment after joining the church.  I was asked to give a 2 1/2 minute talk during Sunday School opening exercises in front of the whole congregation.  Talk about being scared.  I was absolutely frightened by the enormity of what was being asked.

I got up in front of all of those people with my paper in my hands and could not even read it.  It was shaking too hard.  I had to set it down on the podium.  My knees were shaking, too.  

I was twenty years old then.  Fifty one years have passed and I am still being asked to do new things.  The fear is gone though.  All of these years have taught me that indeed the Lord does "qualify" us when He asks us to do something.  It becomes exciting to get a new "calling" and see what growth will come because of it.

So precious

So dear

So short

Each day a gift

Each hour and minute count.

Choose carefully

What you love,

What you do

with life.

Covenants

As LDS people we make covenants.  Our children are baptized at age 8 because they are then old enough understand what it is to make a covenant.  Baptism is just the first of many that we make. Each draws us closer to His love and blesses our life.

Early in my faith I saw a covenant as that two-way promise with the Lord where I promised to do such and such and then He promised something in return.  It was as if my actions and promises could manipulate Him.  I have learned that is not the case at all.  Covenant making is a gift that the Lord has given to us because of what it does for us.  We need to make covenants - not Him.  And so I wrote this poem. . .

Conference: Spiritually Bathed

It is conference weekend again.  We look forward to this each time it comes.  We know that the weekend will be a spiritual feast.  We will be inspired to live better lives.  We will deepen in both appreciation and understanding of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Our hearts will be filled with gratitude for the restored Gospel. 

Proof

The past!  How do you prove it?  Doesn't it all seem like a dream at times?  Imagine yourself being whisked out of the present time and place into a new world by some warp in time.  Your memories of your life on earth remain.  You could teach and testify of what your life was all about but there'd be no proof.  But you would know.

Our spiritual experiences with the Lord are like that.  So very real to us yet beyond proof.  But we know. 

When we share our testimony it is that spiritual experience that we are testifying of.  We know and we want our friends and family to know that we know so that they too will seek for such a confirmation.  As it says in Moroni 10:4-5,  And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.  And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

In prayer we not only learn the truths we need to live by, we come to know God.

 

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The Journey to Perfection

If there is nothing else we learn in life it is probably just how imperfect we are.  And yet in the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior said "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."  I have come to understand that scripture through the words of Brad Wilcox who made a statement to the effect that we should not just be asking ourselves, "Have I been saved by grace?" but also, "Have I been changed by grace?"

That change comes as we turn to the Savior in all things.  When He is utmost in our hearts, that wonderful "mighty change of heart" which is so well illustrated in the Book of Mormon comes to us personally.  Our time spent in the scriptures and in prayer and in service to others slowly transforms us.  And when we come up against a brick wall of our own weakness we find the Savior all too willing to help us.  Our response of love and gratitude to Him again causes us to change.  And so, knowing all of this, I dare say that I have begun the"Journey to Perfection".