Finding Myself

Many of us get lost along life's journey.  Just think back in your own life how you may have tried on roles as easily as you tried on clothes.  As teens we try to please our peers. Speaking for women, we get lost as we sacrifice so many of our own needs for those of our children. We put ourselves "on hold" and then can't remember who we even were. Sometimes we compromise who we are for our spouses as we try to figure out how to meet the needs of both. But there is a person inside of us that is an eternal being who came here to earth already having a sense of self. We arrive with gifts and talents and feelings and personality all our own. We don't want to lose that person. It is us!! Our authentic self!

I was lost for a long time.  And the interesting thing was that when I finally found myself again and aligned my outer world to that inner self, it was like a homecoming.  I felt like me again.  I knew it was me and it felt so good.

My poems aren't all great poetry but they are my expression of where I was in my journey of life.  I like this one because it was such an important time for me and reading the poem brings back all the feelings of joy and self discovery that I felt at the time.

Life in the Church

I am not an extrovert who likes to be up in front of people.  And as a child I was even more shy  around those I didn't know.  I was happy just in my own little world of me, my family, and my close friends.  A part of that remains with me still.

But life in the LDS church doesn't allow you to just stay in your comfort zone.  You will be asked to do things that you would never choose on your own.  I distinctly remember my first church assignment after joining the church.  I was asked to give a 2 1/2 minute talk during Sunday School opening exercises in front of the whole congregation.  Talk about being scared.  I was absolutely frightened by the enormity of what was being asked.

I got up in front of all of those people with my paper in my hands and could not even read it.  It was shaking too hard.  I had to set it down on the podium.  My knees were shaking, too.  

I was twenty years old then.  Fifty one years have passed and I am still being asked to do new things.  The fear is gone though.  All of these years have taught me that indeed the Lord does "qualify" us when He asks us to do something.  It becomes exciting to get a new "calling" and see what growth will come because of it.

So precious

So dear

So short

Each day a gift

Each hour and minute count.

Choose carefully

What you love,

What you do

with life.

Time

As I completed the artwork on this page, I realized the picture makes me nervous.  I think that's okay.  Life should make us a bit nervous as we have to confront the limitations of time and make some decisions.  Hopefully we will come to some understanding of what is unique about us and have a sense of purpose as we plan our minutes and hours and days.  Once we know that, we can relax and enjoy this time limited mortal journey that is preparing us for eternity.

Transition

If you have ever gone through a bid change in your life you might relate to this poem.  Of course, for people change does not occur as quickly as it does for a butterfly.  Lynn and I brought a Monarch caterpillar home once so that we could watch the metamorphosis.  The darn thing spun it's cocoon one day when we were at church and we missed the show.  And then it came out of its cocoon in the middle of the night!  We were disappointed to say the least.  My own metamorphosis has been a lifelong process.  But now that I am older I look back and it seems that the time flew by as quickly as it did for our little Monarch.

I am now 72 years old.  Like so many others I know, I would not go backwards in time at all.  The present is so good.  All the energy and vitality that is ours when we are younger is nothing in comparison to the learning and wisdom that comes along the way.  I am a better person today than I was years ago.  Life has taught me compassion, empathy, humility, forgiveness.  I no longer worry myself over the material and the temporary things of the world.  I am more concerned with my spiritual growth and the well being of my family and friends.  I like being who I am today.

Anticipation

I think phones never ring so much as those last couple of weeks before you give birth and friends and family are all so excited and want to know what is happening.  Isn't it wonderful to just think how much we all love the arrival of each new child?  But it also gets aggravating. You more than anyone wants this baby to come and you get tired of saying "Nothing, yet."

We have no control over time.  And so I wrote the poem "Anticipation".

The second poem is "The Law of Relativity" and was inspired as I watched the clock during the labor process of one of my daughters.  Time is a funny thing.  We watch a really good movie and realize that time has flown by and we hardly noticed. We sit in a dentist's chair having a tooth worked on and a few minutes  seem like a very long time.  Childbirth is also like that dentist experience.  Labor can seem like an eternity.  

The Moment

I guess it's just age that does this to me but it seems as though life is flying by.  I keep taking photos trying to hold on but you can't substitute a picture for the real thing.  So I plead with all to savor each moment.  Life is so precious - especially time with our kids.  Don't miss the moments - the little things they say and do.  The funny things they say.  The laughter they bring.  Their wonder at all life affords.  It is the most incredible season of our lives.