Finding Myself

Many of us get lost along life's journey.  Just think back in your own life how you may have tried on roles as easily as you tried on clothes.  As teens we try to please our peers. Speaking for women, we get lost as we sacrifice so many of our own needs for those of our children. We put ourselves "on hold" and then can't remember who we even were. Sometimes we compromise who we are for our spouses as we try to figure out how to meet the needs of both. But there is a person inside of us that is an eternal being who came here to earth already having a sense of self. We arrive with gifts and talents and feelings and personality all our own. We don't want to lose that person. It is us!! Our authentic self!

I was lost for a long time.  And the interesting thing was that when I finally found myself again and aligned my outer world to that inner self, it was like a homecoming.  I felt like me again.  I knew it was me and it felt so good.

My poems aren't all great poetry but they are my expression of where I was in my journey of life.  I like this one because it was such an important time for me and reading the poem brings back all the feelings of joy and self discovery that I felt at the time.

Men Are That They Might Have Joy

I was recently thinking about a family that we knew in Santa Rosa, California.  They were Laotian and had left their home in the midst of war and walked as a family eleven days and nights through the jungle to reach Thailand where they hoped to find refuge.  When they reached the border they found it closed.  They again had to hide in the jungle and look for an opportunity to sneak across that border.  Once inside Thailand they lived in a refugee camp for six years in the humblest of circumstances.  Eventually the United States accepted them and they were brought to this country.

More recently I was privileged to hear the story of Mariama Kallon, a woman from Sierra Leone.  She was raised in a country ravaged by civil war.  She narrowly escaped torture by murderous rebel forces. She watched other women have arms and legs cut off by the rebels.  After losing her entire family and everything she owned, she eventually was guided to safety.  Her story was heart rending and yet hearing her bear testimony of the beauty of the Restored Gospel and how it had come into her life and brought her joy was even more touching.

The spirit of man is eternal and is able to put life's experiences into a context that allows us to reach beyond the trials and find joy again.  What a remarkable thing it is to witness such joy emanate from those who have experienced such heavy trials.

The Return of Joy

If you have ever gone through a long period of grieving or depression, you know how difficult it is to break out of that mood and find happiness again.  For me it was roller coaster ride of moods and there were times when I could rise above the clouds and see the sun for just a little while - just long enough to remember that it was still there.  Those moments gave me hope and kept me going until at last joy returned.

2 Nephi 2:25  Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

On Comparing

I have learned that one sure way to be unhappy is to compare what you have to those who have more.  It works every time.  Everything you have and love can at once seem inadequate.  In contrast, one sure way to be happy is to thank the Lord every day for that which you have.  The expression of gratitude expands our capacity to feel joy.  

Harold Kushner, in his book The Lord Is My Shepherd:  Healing Wisdom of the 23^rd Psalm, writes: "In the traditional Jewish liturgy the first three minutes of the morning service remind the worshipper to be grateful that he is alive, that his body works, that he had food to eat and clothes to wear, that he has things to do today that will demonstrate his humanity, and that he has friends to share the day with.

Our ability to receive God’s blessings with thanksgiving will never outstrip God’s ability to bless us.  For those who have cultivated the habit of gratitude, no matter how large a bowl we set out to receive God’s blessings, it will always overflow."

In an article entitled A Predictable Process for Joy by H. Wallace Goddard , Brother Goddard shares  "a remarkably predictable process for flooding our souls with refreshing joy. Are you interested in joy? Consider the scriptural invitation:

. . . nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours. And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more. (D&C 78:18-19, emphasis added)

There is hardly anything that will refresh our souls more than the “attitude of gratitude.” When we receive all things with gratitude, we are made glorious—and not just in some distant future, but right now.

Do you want a stiff jolt of joy? Sit down and record those things for which you are grateful."